Smoking has been called, “The most preventable cause of death in the United States.” That sounds so heavy, so final. It makes me glad that I quit, and it makes me wonder why others have not.

It’s a bad time. I get that. I’ve been through some bad times, and some are certainly times that are worse than others. But eventually, the time comes (and it’s as good as it’s going to get).

It’s who I am. I think this is another reason that people don’t quit. They simply cannot see themselves without a ciggy resting listlessly between their fingers, or maybe they have a death grip on it, whatever their personality may be would represent the way that the cigarette is held. I’m going on a bit, but you know what I mean. I think that smoking is kind of a dark, sexy quality. Why do you think that people always smoke after sex? It’s because it’s sexy. And dark because you often are thinking when you’re smoking and it should be something sad that you’re thinking about. I don’t think of a “happy” smoker, although I know they exist.

So there it is, while smoking is THE most preventable cause of death, we still think that there is another tomorrow. And hopefully their will be, but you never know, so hence, another reason that I feel awesome about the fact that I have quit and my body is repairing itself from the outside in.

So I went out last night with a group of friends. I know that you’re not suppose to go to bars, or places where there will be a lot of smoking, when you are trying to quit. But I also reason that I am not an island, and without a little bit of social interaction I might go insane and start smoking anyway. So all of that to say that I did it. I went to a bar and I survived.

I even had some people offer me a cigarette and I politely declined and said that I was trying to quit. Everyone that I spoke to about this went into a five to ten minute diatribe about how they too, need to quit smoking and how they’ve thought about it, but they’re just waiting for this one thing to happen before they actually start.

It made me feel good about myself, that I actually started trying and quit putting it off. Honestly, there is always some excuse that you can think of to keep you from doing it. So while I was sitting there, truly jonesing for a smoke, I also felt incredibly empowered and proud of myself for taking the leap.

The next morning as I stood in the shower and the steam wafted around me, I could smell the smoke from last night. The smoke was such a strong smell as it was released from my hair. It was the first time that it occured to me that I might be becoming a non-smoker, because honestly I was glad to get the smoke out of my hair and out of my body.

So all of that is to say that I am proud of myself. I survived the bar and I came out on the other side, stronger and more resolute than ever.

During my journey to quit smoking, I feel myself changing and evolving into a “non-smoker.” It is beginning to have a nice ring to it, as I think of all of the ways that being a non-smoker will have a positive effect on my life. As I go through this process I am going to make a list of the good changes that ensue as a result of not smoking. This will remind me of all of the ways that my life is changing for the good and help me to never want to look back, even during weak moments.

For instance, I will truly smell good. I will smell like the soap and the lotion that I’ve used that day or the peanut butter that I smeared onto a piece of bread. I will reclaim the scents of my life. No longer will every smell that I come into contact with be muted by the smell of cigarette smoke.

I will not have to go outside into the freezing cold weather to get my fix when I am in smoke-free environments.

When I kiss my boyfriend, I won’t have to be paranoid that I taste like smoke, even after eating the strongest breath mint that is sold on the market.

And that’s what I have so far. This list will certainly grow.

I am reclaiming my life from smoking. I own smoking; smoking does not own me.