I look back to when I was young child. My sisters were smoking & I didn’t like it. Smoking was gross to me back then. I would get mad at my sisters for smoking in the house, but as I grew older, I didn’t mind being around people who smoked. Finally, I decided I was going to try smoking. I don’t know what made me pick up that first cigarette, but I was with the in-crowd now. I didn’t even know how to smoke properly. People asked me why I swallowed while I was smoking. I guess it was out of habit, trying to squeeze all that nicotine in my system.

Smoking calmed me down. If I felt stressed, I would roll up a cigarette & light it. I made sure to have a cigarette handy for when I had breaks at school or just to have something in my hand. First thing in the morning, I would have a cigarette with my coffee. I had to have that first cigarette to start my day or I wouldn’t be able to function. That’s what it felt like anyways. I would always have to have a cigarette every hour. I would look at the clock & tell myself it’s time to have another cigarette. It was like a ritual I had to go through.

Now that I think back in those days, I wanted to quit smoking. It wouldn’t bother me. That’s what I thought. Wrong! The more I think of quitting smoking, the more I need a cigarette! How could have that happened? Now, I have got to get help for my addictive habit! It’s like drinking or smoking pot. You need that one drink or that puff. People go to AA or NA for help. Is there a meeting for smokers? Well, I found a Support Group called QuitNet. I just started, so I have a long journey ahead of me.

I got a scare of having cancer & smoking wasn’t healthy at all. I found out I spend like $950/year supplying my smoking habit. I smoked for at least 9 years, so that would add up to $8550 give or take a few dollars. That money could have went to better use, like saving up for a vehicle or even a mortgage on a house. The way the taxes are going up every year on tobacco, I wouldn’t be able to afford to smoke anymore, so why fight the inevitable?

I know there are people who are willing to help. They are out there. You just need the resources.

There is a toll-free helpline, support groups on the web, nicotine replacement therapy (nicotine patches, nicotine gum), acupuncture, hypnosis, and medication.

I checked out a stop smoking lens that I highly recommend.

http://www.squidoo.com/smokefreereality

I’ve fallen off of the wagon. Well, I had just one cigarette. I feel really terrible about it and about myself.

I was out with my girlfriends. I was feeling a little cocky because I went out to a bar last week and I was able to stay strong. This time though, I thought that I was above it and that I had it under control. I know now that this is where I really screwed up. I let my guard down.

So anyway as the night wears on, I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker and my resolve softening. I was thinking to myself that just one wouldn’t hurt anything. I could just pick it back up tomorrow and besides, I’m still smoking a lot less than before. That was the rational that was circling through my mind at the exact moment that my friend Shelly asked me if I wanted a cigarette (she received a kick in the shin at the same time from my other friend Janice). “Yes, I do want one, just one,” I replied very composed. There were some shouts of protest, but I insisted that I knew what I was doing. That cigarette tasted incredible. I immediately felt guilty and wanted another as soon as if was over, instead, I just went home because I could feel myself going downhill fast.

I still have my resolve though. I’ve disappointed myself for sure, but I’m not ready to give up.

Being smoke free is kind of like going on a diet. You have to do without something that you really love. Like giving up desserts or chips, but worse because there are no real substitutes for a cigarette. There are tons of substitutes for food, but I suppose they aren’t like the real thing, but at least your eating!